i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm getting married
To pizza
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
