this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
