You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
