i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
