I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
