Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
