everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
