not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
as a side note pls kill me
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