I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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