I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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