i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
