i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
