I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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