New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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