so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
