Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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