i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
