At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
