you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
