fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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