Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
