i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
