One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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