What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
