Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
