yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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