Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
