he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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