went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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