masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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