My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
