did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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