I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
