She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
