Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
