dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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