well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Pooping to opera.
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