you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
