Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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