i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
