All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
