i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
