fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
