So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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