so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
