She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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