so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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