Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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