i just had sex bonerless
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
