So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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