I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
